REPROGRAM YOUR RELATION

NOTE: This is a sample of the e-course, the first section out of a total of ten.
Welcome to the e-course REPROGRAM YOUR RELATION Develop and empower your relation by reprogramming subconscious behavior patterns.
		Introduction
	This course is designed for everyone wanting to develop one's relationship to one's partner: Where the relationship is starting to erode, __the course may save it from collapsing completely. Where the relationship is OK, __the course may make it develop and strengthen it more. Where the relationship already feels good, __the course may give you tools for make it even deeper.
The course is built up as a framework with several "sub-courses" The course is built up as a framework with nine different sections. I many of these you will be transferred by linking to course sections that actually are separate e-courses by themselves, e-courses available as stand-alone products. When you are transferred like this, a new window or a new tab will be opened in your browser. When you have finalized doing this sub-course, you have to manually return to the main course window or tab. The "main structure" in this course is denoted by the heart symbol here up to the left. You can flick through the different sections by clicking on the Next- and Back buttons at the top and at the bottom of each page, or by clicking on the links in the index of contents here below. Use ample time to let what you read sink in and engender change The different sections build on each other, so go through the sections in the order given, and work with each section until you feel that you both have understood the information and have started to use it, before you continue with the next section.
The sections will take different amount of time to go through, partly because some of them are longer than others, but partly due to your backgrounds, experiences, level of knowledge, personalities, etc. Return and repeat earlier sections, until you feel that your insights have deepened and your skills have become established. In order for a deeper integration to happen, we recommend you to keep working with this e-course during a period of at least eight weeks, and then to return and repeat the material that has felt especially useful, during a period of at least six months. Help each other by softly reminding each other about the concrete tools you have learnt to use - it is very easy to fall back into old patterns of behavior after a while. Focus on what you want to change:
		Before starting with the course, use some time to focus on the areas in your relationship, that you really want to improve. One structure that can be useful is illustrated by the picture here to the left, that shows Logical Levels from Gregory Bateson's System Theory. Using this thought structure, you can pose the following questions to yourselves. Reflect on them, discuss them and write your answers down on one large sheet of paper each. Each one of you, write the answers of the questions down, as honestly as you can:
(Tip: Mark the points 1-6 below, select Edit/Copy alt. Ctrl C, open an empty Word document, and paste the text with right click/Paste alt. Ctrl V. Enter as many empty lines after each question that you need for your answers. Print the document out. ) 1. Why are we together? Maybe, we became a couple because we fell in love. But, underneath this, there was probably a longing for getting a number of basic needs met, and I hoped that this would happen by entering this relationship. Then: Which needs within myself were my driving forces in entering ___ the relation? Were my expectations met? Now: Which needs do I want to be met today? (Can have changed!) ___ Are they met? If not, why? Future: Which needs will I have ten years from now? ___ Will they be met? If not, why? Why do I want to continue living in this relationship? What is positive in it, and what do I still hope will happen? Compare your answers, reflect and discuss. 2. How are we regarded, as a couple? How do I regard us, as a couple? How do I think others see us? How would I like it to be? 3. What are our values and beliefs? Which values do I think should be the base of our relationship? Which personal values do I have, and that I want us to share? Do we? Which positive and supporting beliefs do I wish we shared? Which negative beliefs do I have, that limit me or us? Which negative beliefs does my partner seem to have? 4. How good are we in relating? Which skills do we have, which skills should we develop? Which skills do I often need to use in my relation? What am I good at, in relating with my partner, in our social life, in our family? What should I become better in doing? Which relating skills in your partner do you appreciate? What should he/she become better at? 5. How are we with each other? How do we act towards each other? If I would describe my behavior towards my partner, when I feel content, which words would I use? How do I behave when I am sad / angry / frustrated / etc ? How do I experience my partner's behavior when he/she is in a good mood? How does he/she behave towards me when we disagree / discuss / quarrel / when he/she is unhappy about something? How would I like us to be towards each other? 6. Which situations are the most problematic? When I experience that we have problems in our relation, in which typical situations does this happen? What typical situations make me feel frustrated / angry / sad / emotionally blocked / etc ? Whose fault do I think it is? Which typical situations make my partner to become unbalanced? Who is typically causing these? In what way do you usually try to handle these situations? What is the typical outcome? How do you wish that you did instead? What outcome do you wish would happen?
You have now, by reflecting, making notes and by discussing what you both have written down, made a preliminary "inventory" of your relationship. Whilst now going into the course Reprogram Your Relation, have your notes from this exercise handy. Make changes and/or add more notes if you feel you need to to this, or if you get new ideas or thoughts. At the end of the course you will be invited to do this exercise again, but in a new way...
Index of contents :
0. Introduction		This page.
1. Communicate		Most relationship problems are really communication problems. About the concept Basic Communication.
2. Dissimilarities		Your similarities were maybe what brought you together, and there may have been dissimilarities that felt exciting. But, both similarities and dissimilarities can also lead to friction.
3. Personality clashes		Become aware of your different basic personalities, and learn to handle differences in ways of acting and in communicating.
4. The Love Account		Love works like a bank account - if you make larger withdrawals over time than deposits, your bank will close your account ... Learn how your accounts work.
5. Quarreling		The difference between constructive dialogue and quarreling is that you in the latter may get stuck in a state of emotional stress, where you may say things you regret. How to get unstuck and to think clearly again.
6. Criticism		Both receiving and giving criticism is difficult. Learn to handle negative feed-back.
7. Forgiveness		Experiences of being wronged or unjustly treated can pile up inside, and can give rise to negative and chronic emotional states that may erode the relationship. Learn to let go of things of the past.
8. Hope		We often focus on problems, remember the negative. Lear new, constructive, patterns of thought.
9. Intuitive understanding		The most crucial knowledge of your partner cannot be reached by analysis and mental deduction. Train your ability for intuitive understanding and for empathy.